A while back a man came onto one of my YouTube videos to tell me how selfish I am.
“I’ve liked you, romantically,” he said, “against your SELFISH will.”
And he called me a narcissist for the same. Typed a mean frowny face and didn’t comment again.
Let’s talk about this:
- I am considered selfish because I don’t reciprocate this man’s interest.
- I am considered selfish because I expect to be regarded with respect when I am propositioned.
- I am considered selfish because there isn’t a way for this man to have me against what he knows is my will.
- I am considered selfish because I consider my desires equally important compared to the desires of people I interact with.
- I am considered selfish because mutual attraction would be a prerequisite for any relationships in my life.
- I am considered selfish because I am not patiently dating, tolerating, and humoring people to whom I am not attracted just on the off chance that after thirty-seven years of life without ever being attracted to a man, I might inexplicably be attracted to this particular entitled lout.
- He does not believe he is selfish for expecting a woman to respond to his declared desire with automatic reciprocation.
- He does not believe he is selfish for responding to a woman’s declaration of asexuality and aromanticism with requests that I change for him.
- He does not believe he is selfish for opining that my job is to respond positively and eagerly to a man I’ve had nothing but combative, aggressive conversation with.
- He does not believe he is selfish for claiming to be entitled to my time and attention just for saying he wants it.
- He does not believe he is selfish for desiring me bodily and as a partner while claiming my own thoughts and feelings are repugnant and irrelevant to him.
- He does not believe he is selfish for unapologetically expecting a woman to ignore her own desires and go against her own inclinations simply to satisfy him.
I suppose he believes I’m selfish and narcissistic because he only cares about himself, and yet I’m behaving like my self matters.
Ugh, this kind of entitlement is so infuriating. If you're not serving a man's desires/needs/opinions then you are Doing Something Wrong.
ReplyDeleteSorry you got that comment :/ I know you get comments from a lot of assholes but I imagine it's no less tiresome to experience no matter how much it happens.
Actually, I never engaged with this man at all, and I did not intend to speak with someone who felt entitled to me. I didn't "let him" do anything, and I think that's also part of the purpose of my statement here: That people who are targeted by these kinds of people are not "allowing" or "enabling" people to say and do vile things. Simply existing in a public space will lead to people making claims on what we owe them. I don't believe calling someone a shaming name and blocking them is an inherently better way to deal with someone, but I think it's fine for you to deal with people who harass you in any way you see fit. And though I did block him for talking to me like that, I don't think avoiding engagement is the only way to deal with such people. I generally choose a variety of responses depending on ready I feel to deal with harassment, how that person talks to me, and whether I think our conversation has any hope of resulting in education (in either their individual case or as an example to educate others later).
ReplyDelete