Today's Wednesday Factoid is: Do you apologize too much?
Good question.
I read an article once saying women in general say "sorry" much more often than necessary. I think most of us don't realize we're doing it. So it's kind of hard to tell whether I'm apologizing "too much." Probably?
I know at work that I politely apologize for any interruptions, but it's true that I sometimes apologize to people who are doing their jobs, apologize for things that aren't my fault (though that's not the only reason you'd say "sorry"), and apologize as a way to start a conversation as if I expect to be treated like an inconvenience. Those are probably social cues I've picked up as a lady in society. Sometimes I think about it and try to do it less.
But.
I have also talked a little about apology in a different context. And some people have said that because I have called myself out on things I've done wrong, that I'm "apologizing too much." I made a video a while back about mistakes I'd made in my activism career, mostly in my YouTube videos, bringing up the content of the mistake, the reason it's a mistake, and what I should have said instead. A couple of comments said I was being too inclusive.
Read that, seriously. Too inclusive.
These are the kinds of people who think more inclusive language and more inclusive societies are "too PC." That making a specific effort to equalize, make up for past inequalities, and acknowledging wrongdoing is "pandering." That it's unreasonable for people to want to be included in mainstream consideration if they aren't mainstream themselves, and that those of us who recognize the legitimacy of their concerns are "what's wrong with this country." That we're destroying it. But acknowledging where we were wrong and trying to make it better.
I don't think I apologize anywhere near "too much" for stuff like that.
Wednesday, November 2, 2016
Monday, October 31, 2016
Halloween 2016
Look everyone, I'm a cartoon character!
So yep, my costume is a cartoon character and it is not from Steven Universe, which is the most unbelievable thing about me dressing up as a cartoon character.
Mabel is half of a set of twins on the show. Her brother, Dipper, was played by good old Jeaux!
This is a really cute show, and I've seen every episode exactly once. So I'm not a huge fan, but I am a fan. I haven't done a ton of specific characters in my Halloween repertoire, so this was really fun for me.
I used to go trick-or-treating every year. Well into my thirties. The logistics of doing so have gotten more complicated over the years, so I started just giving up and having a Halloween party, and figuring if I really wanted candy I could buy it myself (not as fun though). I hope I get trick-or-treaters tonight, but in past years I've gotten them very rarely. I do have candy and non-food treats if any little monsters visit me! And if they don't, I'm happy to eat the candy myself.
I hope this tradition survives into more generations. There's really nothing like trick-or-treating and I don't want it to die. Things are changing, with more risks associated with approaching strangers' houses (our neighbors didn't used to be strangers in the past), and more risks associated with eating food from people you don't know, and more kids with food restrictions and allergies. (Hard to tell if allergies are increasing in frequency in this generation or if it's just that awareness is growing. I could probably look it up but I'm pretty lazy.)
It's weird that so many traditions that incorporated our neighbors have gone down the drain over the years, at least where I live. You really never see caroling or neighborhood celebrations for holidays. We don't know the people we live beside. (Well, I know my upstairs neighbors are buttholes who stomp constantly and are extremely inconsiderate with their various noise, but I do not know their names or their faces.) We've become connected in ways we didn't used to be through the Internet and through other available networking opportunities, but neighbors are less a part of our lives now. Which makes trick-or-treating, when it happens, a really interesting break from the walls we build.
I wonder if anyone would recognize us if Jeaux and I trick-or-treated?
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| Yours truly as Mabel Pines of Gravity Falls. |
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| (For comparison) What a cute nerd! |
Mabel is half of a set of twins on the show. Her brother, Dipper, was played by good old Jeaux!
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| We make a good brother/sister team! |
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| Dipper likes investigating mysteries and Mabel likes being a weirdo and sometimes helping. |
This is a really cute show, and I've seen every episode exactly once. So I'm not a huge fan, but I am a fan. I haven't done a ton of specific characters in my Halloween repertoire, so this was really fun for me.
I used to go trick-or-treating every year. Well into my thirties. The logistics of doing so have gotten more complicated over the years, so I started just giving up and having a Halloween party, and figuring if I really wanted candy I could buy it myself (not as fun though). I hope I get trick-or-treaters tonight, but in past years I've gotten them very rarely. I do have candy and non-food treats if any little monsters visit me! And if they don't, I'm happy to eat the candy myself.
I hope this tradition survives into more generations. There's really nothing like trick-or-treating and I don't want it to die. Things are changing, with more risks associated with approaching strangers' houses (our neighbors didn't used to be strangers in the past), and more risks associated with eating food from people you don't know, and more kids with food restrictions and allergies. (Hard to tell if allergies are increasing in frequency in this generation or if it's just that awareness is growing. I could probably look it up but I'm pretty lazy.)
It's weird that so many traditions that incorporated our neighbors have gone down the drain over the years, at least where I live. You really never see caroling or neighborhood celebrations for holidays. We don't know the people we live beside. (Well, I know my upstairs neighbors are buttholes who stomp constantly and are extremely inconsiderate with their various noise, but I do not know their names or their faces.) We've become connected in ways we didn't used to be through the Internet and through other available networking opportunities, but neighbors are less a part of our lives now. Which makes trick-or-treating, when it happens, a really interesting break from the walls we build.
I wonder if anyone would recognize us if Jeaux and I trick-or-treated?
Saturday, October 29, 2016
Personal Digest Saturday: October 22 – October 28
Life news this week:
New reviews of my book:
This week's performance was "The Sound of White" by Missy Higgins.
New drawings:
I did one character sketch of Pearl with her spear at Drink and Draw this week.
And then the usual webcomic stuff.
Webcomic Negative One Issue 0598: "A Different Secret."
New videos:
First, a very special unlisted ukulele video: I played "We Are the Crystal Gems," which was a hard song to learn because of all the new chords and key change. It's the Steven Universe theme song! I illustrated it with some visuals to help people figure out what the heck I'm talking about. Also I threw in some experimental strumming styles. So it's maybe kinda messy, but a LOT of fun.
And I also did a writing video on my writing channel. It's called On Writing Characters from Different Religious Backgrounds.
New photos:
And there were some photos I got from Victor this week that were from last week's Thai Temple outing, so I'll share those too:
Social Media counts:
YouTube subscribers: 5,342 for swankivy (6 new), 604 for JulieSondra (lost 1). Twitter followers: 853 for swankivy (6 new), 1,314 for JulieSondra (10 new). Facebook: 294 friends (no change) and 203 followers (no change) for swankivy, 645 likes for JulieSondra (1 new), 56 likes for Negative One (no change), 126 likes for So You Write (1 new). Tumblr followers: 2,484 (17 new). Instagram followers: 87 (no change).
- Saturday was Drink and Draw. I did my necessaries before the event
and Eric picked me up. It was a good time, and I got to meet a new
person and drew some webcomics and character art. We had to leave early
because Eric had a big job to do at his work, and then I went home and
redecorated my apartment for Halloween.
- Sunday I made a
few videos--one for my writing channel, one with ukulele playing, and
one for karaoke. I had to work around people being extremely loud
outside with music and partying. Really frustrating. I practiced ukulele
a lot.
- Monday I started posting some links for Asexual
Awareness Week on my author Facebook and doing some minimal posts about
it here and there. I spent a bunch of time on a blog post nobody read,
and read a comic book, tried on my Halloween costume, and took inventory
so I could make a shopping list for my big Halloween party.
- Tuesday
was my Day Of Not Being Able To Get A Hold Of People. I made something
like twenty phone calls that weren't answered. (Thirteen of them were my
apartment complex though. I was trying to get on the list for pest
control. Finally got through.) I had to clean out stuff in my kitchen
and made some molasses-ginger animal cookies.
- Wednesday I
met Jeaux and did some preliminary shopping, and we hung out at my
place. After he left I made pumpkin pie and did dishes and drew some
comics.
- Thursday my mom took me to Bonefish Grill for
dinner and took me grocery shopping. I baked a pumpkin roll while on the
phone with Victor and finished my webcomic.
- Friday I didn't go to work because I'd asked for the day off so I could save my mental health while preparing for my party. I spent the day baking and rearranging my living room for people to fit in it. I baked cookies, two kinds of muffins, and a new kind of vegan brownies. And I even had time to mess around on the Internet. Hooray.
New reviews of my book:
- Emily W gave it a four-star review on Goodreads.
- Baylee gave it a four-star review on Goodreads (in Italian).
- Alexis gave it a review without a rating on Goodreads.
- The Twitter account Arrows & Aces GMU honored me with this nice LGBTQ History Month graphic.
- Frannie Sprouls on Instagram wrote something nice about my book.
- My book was recommended for someone with a non-accepting family on an AVEN thread.
- Lauren Sparks reflects on being a demi-heteroromantic grey-asexual person with depression and mentions some perspectives partially supported by a conversation with me.
- Finished this week: Invader Zim: Volume 2 by Jhonen Vasquez. Four-star review.
- Currently reading: The Free Lunch by Spider Robinson.
This week's performance was "The Sound of White" by Missy Higgins.
New drawings:
I did one character sketch of Pearl with her spear at Drink and Draw this week.
 |
| First time trying to draw that thing. |
Webcomic Negative One Issue 0598: "A Different Secret."
New videos:
First, a very special unlisted ukulele video: I played "We Are the Crystal Gems," which was a hard song to learn because of all the new chords and key change. It's the Steven Universe theme song! I illustrated it with some visuals to help people figure out what the heck I'm talking about. Also I threw in some experimental strumming styles. So it's maybe kinda messy, but a LOT of fun.
And I also did a writing video on my writing channel. It's called On Writing Characters from Different Religious Backgrounds.
New photos:
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| Playing ukulele in my Cookie Cat dress! |
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| These are some pretty awesome figures. |
 |
| My ace flag hair bow for Asexual Awareness Week! |
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| My food! |
 |
| Eric making a masterpiece. |
 |
| I'm drawing cartoons. |
 |
| Joy in her Rose Quartz shirt looking lovely. |
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| Joy and me at the Thai Temple. |
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| Me by the river. |
Social Media counts:
YouTube subscribers: 5,342 for swankivy (6 new), 604 for JulieSondra (lost 1). Twitter followers: 853 for swankivy (6 new), 1,314 for JulieSondra (10 new). Facebook: 294 friends (no change) and 203 followers (no change) for swankivy, 645 likes for JulieSondra (1 new), 56 likes for Negative One (no change), 126 likes for So You Write (1 new). Tumblr followers: 2,484 (17 new). Instagram followers: 87 (no change).
Wednesday, October 26, 2016
Wednesday Factoid: Viral
Today's Wednesday Factoid is: Would you want your photo or video to go viral?
Kind of a hard question for me actually.
First of all, I've been a creator on social media for many years and some of my work has been popular. I don't really think anything I've made has ever truly "gone viral," but some things I've created have been shared hundreds of thousands of times and have resulted in a lot of attention. But I'm not sure where the line is to consider something "viral." I've never had commentary tweeted at me every few seconds for days, nor have I been approached by multiple mainstream media outlets to use my content. (That does happen once in a while, but usually not all at the same time for the same creation.)
By and large, being mildly popular on the Internet is stressful. Especially when it's sustained over many years and you know anything you do under certain media accounts will be viewed and dissected thousands of times. I have to admit that it can take a toll, and that I've come to expect the worst every time I open my e-mail. Of course, it's really nice that most of the time it isn't a mean message. It's just that the awful ones can really take a lot out of you.
The closest I've probably come to "going viral" is when I was targeted by trolls several times.
It's really nice sometimes to get the messages from people who appreciate what I do, though. I've gotten tons of sweet messages from people who needed my content or benefited from it, and since I know most people who like something don't contact the creator, I have to imagine that the people who like my content are exponentially plentiful. When my content helps people, I appreciate the boost that comes with low-level viral sharing. But knowing what I know, I have to say that going legit viral would just be a bigger, more overwhelming version of what I've already experienced, and I've already had more than enough of that.
So . . . in answer to the initial question. . . .
How about no.
Kind of a hard question for me actually.
First of all, I've been a creator on social media for many years and some of my work has been popular. I don't really think anything I've made has ever truly "gone viral," but some things I've created have been shared hundreds of thousands of times and have resulted in a lot of attention. But I'm not sure where the line is to consider something "viral." I've never had commentary tweeted at me every few seconds for days, nor have I been approached by multiple mainstream media outlets to use my content. (That does happen once in a while, but usually not all at the same time for the same creation.)
By and large, being mildly popular on the Internet is stressful. Especially when it's sustained over many years and you know anything you do under certain media accounts will be viewed and dissected thousands of times. I have to admit that it can take a toll, and that I've come to expect the worst every time I open my e-mail. Of course, it's really nice that most of the time it isn't a mean message. It's just that the awful ones can really take a lot out of you.
The closest I've probably come to "going viral" is when I was targeted by trolls several times.
- I had one of my essays shared on early Reddit (resulting in a bombardment of vile e-mails).
- I had a writeup of how pathetic I am posted on Something Awful (resulting in a wave of "mysterious" criticism of every facet of my online life).
- I had a troll stalk me for fourteen days straight posting one of my popular videos on 4chan and pretending to BE ME while inviting questions and answering them in a deliberately condescending, elitist fashion (resulting in literally thousands of harassing comments on my YouTube channel).
- I had a /b/ forum member make a permanent post claiming my asexuality was connected to pedophilia and posted my full name in connection with this claim, and I had to get a lawyer to shut it down.
- I had two different people post pictures of naked women who vaguely looked like me in that they were blonde white ladies and claimed they were me, and that I didn't mind posing nude because to me bodies aren't sexual.
- I had a mainstream news organization use a vacation photo of me in a bathing suit in an article shared worldwide, announcing that I was a thirty-five-year-old virgin and other sensationalistic-sounding lines that led to men from various countries sending me abuse, threats, and weird aggressive marriage proposals on Facebook and Twitter.
- And of course nearly every time I've given an interview to a mainstream magazine or news outlet, the comments filled up with abuse commenting on my appearance (or presumed appearance if there was no photo), my likely mental illnesses, the awfulness that has manifested through feminism to let women think they don't have to have sex these days, my obvious selfishness, and my probable sexual abuse that "caused" me to be asexual. Sometimes people use the linked information in these articles to e-mail me privately and lecture me to see a therapist or a doctor, proposition me for sex while claiming I have an obligation to "try" the services of a self-proclaimed master of the art before I say I don't like sex, or invite me to a "debate" or hostile environment where they obviously intend to attack me in a semi-public forum.
It's really nice sometimes to get the messages from people who appreciate what I do, though. I've gotten tons of sweet messages from people who needed my content or benefited from it, and since I know most people who like something don't contact the creator, I have to imagine that the people who like my content are exponentially plentiful. When my content helps people, I appreciate the boost that comes with low-level viral sharing. But knowing what I know, I have to say that going legit viral would just be a bigger, more overwhelming version of what I've already experienced, and I've already had more than enough of that.
So . . . in answer to the initial question. . . .
How about no.
Monday, October 24, 2016
Asexual Awareness Week 2016
It's Asexual Awareness Week y'all!
Here's a video I made some time ago consisting of NICE messages. We all know I get a ton of really awful messages, but let's focus on the people who have been so kind as to tell me how I'm making a difference for them, who have appreciated the work I've done, and have supported ME along the way.
[If this doesn't play for you, try the version with different music.]
Why do we have Asexual Awareness Week? Well, there's the obvious, of course: we want people to know asexual people exist, and we want people to know how to support us, and we want everyday exploration and examination of sexual diversity to include us.
Here are some basics you can share from my cornucopia of resources:
Here's a video I made some time ago consisting of NICE messages. We all know I get a ton of really awful messages, but let's focus on the people who have been so kind as to tell me how I'm making a difference for them, who have appreciated the work I've done, and have supported ME along the way.
[If this doesn't play for you, try the version with different music.]
Why do we have Asexual Awareness Week? Well, there's the obvious, of course: we want people to know asexual people exist, and we want people to know how to support us, and we want everyday exploration and examination of sexual diversity to include us.
Here are some basics you can share from my cornucopia of resources:
- Asexuality: An Overview [video, YouTube channel swankivy]
- The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality [book, Skyhorse Publishing]
- How to Be an Asexual Ally [video, YouTube channel swankivy]
- "Why should the sex-positive community promote asexuality awareness?" [article, Good Vibrations]
- Write an asexual character [blog post, Tumblr blog swankivy]
- Young aces coming out [blog post, Tumblr blog swankivy]
- Asexuality: How to be an Ally [video, YouTube channel swankivy]
- "Asexuality is Not a Diagnosis" [article, Psychology Today]
- How to come out as asexual [video, YouTube channel swankivy]
- "Enjoy Your Houseful of Cats" [article, The Toast]
- The asexual double standard [blog post, Tumblr blog swankivy]
- "Asexual, Aromantic, Partnerless, Child-Free… And (Yes!) Happy" [article, Everyday Feminism]
- "Asexuality and Sexual Fluidity" [article, Good Vibrations]
- "You're about as sexually attractive to me as a turtle" [interview, Salon]
- "Why Asexuals Don't Want to Be Invisible Anymore" [spotlight, New York Times]
- "How to tell if you're asexual" [excerpt, TIME]
Saturday, October 22, 2016
Personal Digest Saturday: October 15 – October 21
Life news this week:
New reviews of my book:
This week's performance was "Love Don't Live Here Anymore" by Madonna.
New drawings:
I did some new Steven Universe drawings, one colored and one not.
And then the usual webcomic stuff.
Webcomic So You Write Issue 65: "Five Times."
Webcomic Negative One Issue 0597: "In Our Hearts."
New videos:
I decided to start uploading my ukulele videos to a hidden list on YouTube, so here's the latest: Linger by the Cranberries. I know this isn't very good but I'm getting better at it, really.
New photos:
And the haircut comparison photos:
Social Media counts:
YouTube subscribers: 5,336 for swankivy (no change), 605 for JulieSondra (4 new). Twitter followers: 847 for swankivy (1 new), 1,304 for JulieSondra (lost 6). Facebook: 294 friends (no change) and 203 followers (1 new) for swankivy, 644 likes for JulieSondra (1 new), 56 likes for Negative One (no change), 125 likes for So You Write (lost 1). Tumblr followers: 2,467 (lost 1). Instagram followers: 87 (no change).
- Saturday I kinda did the minumum activity to not actually turn into a
bump on a log. I recorded a new ukulele song, did a book review, and
packed a bag for the early trip I'd be taking the next day. Ehh.
- Sunday
was awesome--it was my friend Victor's birthday party out at the Thai
Temple, and almost everyone he invited came! My bus ride was almost a
disaster but not quite--I almost missed the bus because my coffee mug
turned out to be inappropriate at the last minute and I couldn't find a
lid for the substitute! But I figured it out and ran for the stop, and
made it with a minute to spare. Once at the Temple I got to see my
friends Jeaux, Joy, Yasmin, Anita, and Eric. We ate good food and hung
out for a long time, and I got some drawing done too! And then Joy was
nice enough to drive me home so I didn't have to take three buses. I
took a nap and spent the rest of the day chilling and doing laundry.
- Monday
was a long work day and was okay except a) my heels had blisters and b)
I was hungry all day for some reason. I got computer stuff done, did
grocery shopping after work, talked to my mom on the phone, played my
ukulele, and got a bunch of dishes done--plus I decided to try the absurd Snack Sushi recipe I saw on a Steven Universe
short (avocado sushi with . . . cheese puffs in it . . . yeah I don't
know either). I took some weird pictures of it that are in the photos
section.
- Tuesday work was longer than expected because I
stayed to finish a project but someone else wasn't done with their part
so I didn't really need to stay. Then I met up with my mom and we ate
at Burger Monger for the first time. She said her burger was good. I
liked my grilled cheese! Then I showed my mom some ukulele songs. After
she left I read and slept.
- Wednesday I ordered pizza for
the office and we had a spelling bee. It sounds weird, but we are a
weird office. I didn't win it if you can believe that. Then I met Jeaux
for Panera where I literally ate a cinnamon roll for dinner. We listened
to Night Vale and didn't do much else, and after he left I also didn't do much else.
- Thursday
I woke up early for some reason and still didn't do anything important.
I helped at work with a presentation and went home and read a book.
Then I talked to Victor on the phone and played with some new toys that
came in the mail. :)
- Friday everyone at the office was out at a meeting except me and Jessica. It was a low-key day. Then I went home and did my webcomics and actually got some pretty important stuff done, like making a shopping list, buying a birthday gift, and making plans for my next webcomic storyboard. Also, I voted by mail.
New reviews of my book:
- None.
- Nothing I wanna talk about.
- Finished this week: The Phantom Tollbooth by Norton Juster. Two-star review.
- Currently reading: Invader Zim Volume 2 by Jhonen Vasquez.
This week's performance was "Love Don't Live Here Anymore" by Madonna.
New drawings:
I did some new Steven Universe drawings, one colored and one not.
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| Messy pencil sketch of younger Steven learning ukulele. |
 |
| And the colors are off but this is my group Gem Hug. :) |
Webcomic So You Write Issue 65: "Five Times."
Webcomic Negative One Issue 0597: "In Our Hearts."
New videos:
I decided to start uploading my ukulele videos to a hidden list on YouTube, so here's the latest: Linger by the Cranberries. I know this isn't very good but I'm getting better at it, really.
New photos:
 |
| Victor making a weird face for our selfie at Thai Temple. |
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| Jeaux exists, though some don't believe it. |
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| Eric is a pretty princess. |
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| Joy is enjoying the noms and the sun. |
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| Eric and Jeaux. |
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| More Eric and Jeaux. I couldn't tell what I was photographing because it was bright. |
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| Jeaux and Anita. |
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| Making my Snack Sushi. |
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| Completed sushi rolls. |
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| Gonna feed some to my Lion like in the cartoons. |
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| Here's the cheese puff sushi up close. It's way good. |
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| Voted by mail! |
And the haircut comparison photos:
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Social Media counts:
YouTube subscribers: 5,336 for swankivy (no change), 605 for JulieSondra (4 new). Twitter followers: 847 for swankivy (1 new), 1,304 for JulieSondra (lost 6). Facebook: 294 friends (no change) and 203 followers (1 new) for swankivy, 644 likes for JulieSondra (1 new), 56 likes for Negative One (no change), 125 likes for So You Write (lost 1). Tumblr followers: 2,467 (lost 1). Instagram followers: 87 (no change).
Wednesday, October 19, 2016
Wednesday Factoid: Introvert vs. Extrovert
Today's Wednesday Factoid is: Are you more introverted or extroverted?
Introvert, definitely.
"Introvert" is frequently misinterpreted as a synonym for "shy." It's also frequently treated by extroverts as a problem to "get past," as if introverts are having less fun or limiting their opportunities or suffering from fear if they admit to being introverts.
I think information about introvert vs. extrovert is becoming more common now; I don't see the misinterpretations as often as I used to. But people still sometimes express surprise that I could consider myself an introvert if I am not shy, if I'm not scared of public speaking or public performance, and if I can visit crowded public places or interact socially without a problem.
Introversion isn't some kind of character hangup that stops people from doing things. It's an expression of personality and comfort; it means that where a "people person" would feel rejuvenated by human contact, I find social interaction to be more of a drain on my resources, and I need alone time to recuperate. That doesn't mean that crowds in general bother me at all--in fact, I'd be far more drained from intense social interaction with an individual or small group than I would be moving through a crowd or performing for strangers. It also doesn't mean I resent or suffer due to social interactions. I just don't need it or want it all the time, and like to spend a lot of time alone.
It strikes me as very odd when people interpret this as a defense mechanism. As if the only reason someone might make a claim about preferring their own company would be if they didn't have friends or couldn't get anyone to give them attention. But I guess I shouldn't be surprised. A certain type of person assigns their own beliefs and desires as normal and default, and casts suspicion on anyone who doesn't value the same things. The easiest thing to do is shame them, accuse them of lying, or frame happiness as necessarily containing very specific factors that everyone "needs." I would never tell someone who felt fulfilled with a whirlwind social life and spent almost no time alone that they were clearly compensating for not being able to handle their own company, nor would I make condescending comments about them not knowing themselves very well if they're always bouncing off someone else. I understand that people's wants and needs are diverse. So it's weird how I encounter so many challenges to mine.
Introvert, definitely.
"Introvert" is frequently misinterpreted as a synonym for "shy." It's also frequently treated by extroverts as a problem to "get past," as if introverts are having less fun or limiting their opportunities or suffering from fear if they admit to being introverts.
I think information about introvert vs. extrovert is becoming more common now; I don't see the misinterpretations as often as I used to. But people still sometimes express surprise that I could consider myself an introvert if I am not shy, if I'm not scared of public speaking or public performance, and if I can visit crowded public places or interact socially without a problem.
Introversion isn't some kind of character hangup that stops people from doing things. It's an expression of personality and comfort; it means that where a "people person" would feel rejuvenated by human contact, I find social interaction to be more of a drain on my resources, and I need alone time to recuperate. That doesn't mean that crowds in general bother me at all--in fact, I'd be far more drained from intense social interaction with an individual or small group than I would be moving through a crowd or performing for strangers. It also doesn't mean I resent or suffer due to social interactions. I just don't need it or want it all the time, and like to spend a lot of time alone.
It strikes me as very odd when people interpret this as a defense mechanism. As if the only reason someone might make a claim about preferring their own company would be if they didn't have friends or couldn't get anyone to give them attention. But I guess I shouldn't be surprised. A certain type of person assigns their own beliefs and desires as normal and default, and casts suspicion on anyone who doesn't value the same things. The easiest thing to do is shame them, accuse them of lying, or frame happiness as necessarily containing very specific factors that everyone "needs." I would never tell someone who felt fulfilled with a whirlwind social life and spent almost no time alone that they were clearly compensating for not being able to handle their own company, nor would I make condescending comments about them not knowing themselves very well if they're always bouncing off someone else. I understand that people's wants and needs are diverse. So it's weird how I encounter so many challenges to mine.
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