For those who may not have noticed in my weekend update, I've just been notified that I will no longer have a job after January because they're closing my office.
This is my day job where I work 28 hours a week. It's the best job I've ever had (though I haven't had that many because I tend to stay at jobs until I have to go for some reason), and it's going to be rough on me to find a new position after this one has fit my needs so perfectly and sort of spoiled me. They paid me more than enough to make ends meet, treated me amazingly for the most part, gave me work I was good at and was appreciated for doing, and let me pick my own schedule. (I am so spoiled now, used to coming in at noon!)
It's not the worst situation in the world, not at all. Though I would much prefer to NOT be losing my job, I am in a very good position for that to be happening. I have savings. I have a good severance package coming. I have more than a month's notice and the opportunity to leave for a new job if the new schedule demands without royally screwing the place I work now. (I'd be allowed to work through January to help close up the office and shut it down, but it's not 100% necessary for me to be involved.) So I can afford to be choosy and take a job that I like. I'm not desperate. And I'm pretty employable given that I have held this position for ten years and gotten lots of experience, plus I have computer skills and editing skills.
What's weird is how many people don't understand the concept of a day job.
I've encountered a lot of folks who act like a day job is something a person should be embarrassed of or be trying to divest oneself of. I think this is a thing in the artist community, mainly--that you "should" be making most or all of your money from your art, and if you're not, you must be pining away for the day that you will. Me? I kinda figured that I would always have a day job unless I became some ridiculous runaway bestseller. I like the stability of having a day job, and the medical benefits, and stuff like having a 401(k) and a company stock plan. I don't feel comfortable with the uncertainty that comes with doing freelance contract work as a main career or with any job that requires me to actively seek work to make sure I can pay my bills that month.
I don't have a lofty goal of "someday" being free of my day job. I mean, I'd like that. But I'm happy being in a support position so I can rest easy and keep the lights on and save for the future. I like the kind of job where I can help my supervisors or whatever and leave work at work, then go home and work on the stuff I live for.
Monday, December 19, 2016
Saturday, December 17, 2016
Personal Digest Saturday: December 10 – December 16
Life news this week:
New reviews of my book:
This week's performance was "Only Hope" by Mandy Moore.
New drawings:
Webcomic Negative One Issue 0605: "The Face You Hide."
And here are some crappy phone photos of doodles from the fan comic I'm drawing. Later they will be prettified and dialogue will be added.
These are all sketches of the Temple in various states of done-ness:
And these are the first couple frames of Garnet and Opal starting a conversation.
New videos:
My latest unlisted ukulele video is "Let Me Drive My Van Into Your Heart." Surprise; it is from Steven Universe. Cute little song that's supposed to be sung by Steven's dad. By the way, if you don't know what "unlisted" is, it just means you have to be given the link to see the video; these aren't publicly listed on my channel and can't be found via search.
New photos:
And the haircut comparison photos:
Social Media counts:
YouTube subscribers: 5,327 for swankivy (lost 9), 615 for JulieSondra (1 new). Twitter followers: 863 for swankivy (lost 2), 1,322 for JulieSondra (1 new). Facebook: 293 friends (lost 1) and 205 followers (no change) for swankivy, 644 likes for JulieSondra (lost 1), 57 likes for Negative One (no change), 127 likes for So You Write (no change). Tumblr followers: 2,491 (no change). Instagram followers: 98 (3 new).
- WELL THIS HAS BEEN A WEEK
- Saturday I kicked some blogging butt and read a book and watched cartoons all day. That's the life.
- Sunday I recorded some music and did the first couple drawings for a fan comic I'm going to do about the Steven Universe characters Opal and Garnet. (It's called "Vacation.") Mom took me shopping at Target and out to eat at Burger 21, and then we went to her house but I didn't really help her with anything. She gave my hair a trim though. Then I did laundry and more drawing.
- Monday I sent some stuff at the post office, grocery-shopped, and wrapped some presents. Didn't do much else besides comic doodles and ukulele playing.
- Tuesday I got up early to prepare more presents, but none of the ones I need to send came, so that was wasted! I went to work, came home, cleaned up my apartment from the mess I'd made with presents, and did a little bit of drawing.
- Wednesday I found out I'm out of a job at the end of January.
- The Board has finally decided to kick the Florida office to the curb so I'll be helping close the place down and then I gotta hunt for a new job. It's pretty huge since I've been there ten years. Financially, I am in a very good spot for this to happen; you guys don't need to worry about if I'm going to become homeless or something. I have lots of savings and a chunk of cash coming to me when I leave since I get my unused vacation time. If you read this post, feel free to be sympathetic but I'd rather not hear any unsolicited advice unless it's about a specific job opening in Tampa, please. :)
- The rest of Wednesday was good! I had Jeaux Day, ate at IHOP, and got to wear my very cool new tee shirt that has Garnet on it in a design that invokes Rosie the Riveter. We also watched two episodes of the show People of Earth which is pretty funny.
- Thursday the office was empty except for me and the junior engineer, and she left early so I was by myself. I texted with Ronni about holiday presents and did some work stuff. I wrote my storyboard for my webcomic and later drew it while talking to Victor on the phone.
- Friday was my coworker Jessica's last day and that was sad. I spent the day making some lists of accounts our office has and inventorying the electronic equipment. I was there by myself all day after she left. After I was done I went to the grocery store and home. Some toys I ordered came! So Jeaux came over and watched me open them. They were blind bag Steven Universe toys and he took some of my duplicates. While we were doing this my sister P and nephew Ash came over! They are in town visiting. We hung out a while and then we went to get Chinese food and ate it at my mom's house so I got to see my brother-in-law and Mom too. It was fun! Then P took me home and I finished my comic and played with my toys.
New reviews of my book:
- Faith gave it a four-star review on Goodreads.
- Newp.
- Finished this week: Steven Universe and the Crystal Gems by Rebecca Sugar, Josceline Fenton, and Chrystin Garland. (This is a trade collection of a comic book series I'd already read, but I got this for the new binding and the cover gallery.) Five-star review.
- Currently reading: Eyeshield 21: Volume 26 by Riichiro Inagaki and Yusuke Murata.
This week's performance was "Only Hope" by Mandy Moore.
New drawings:
Webcomic Negative One Issue 0605: "The Face You Hide."
And here are some crappy phone photos of doodles from the fan comic I'm drawing. Later they will be prettified and dialogue will be added.
These are all sketches of the Temple in various states of done-ness:
And these are the first couple frames of Garnet and Opal starting a conversation.
New videos:
My latest unlisted ukulele video is "Let Me Drive My Van Into Your Heart." Surprise; it is from Steven Universe. Cute little song that's supposed to be sung by Steven's dad. By the way, if you don't know what "unlisted" is, it just means you have to be given the link to see the video; these aren't publicly listed on my channel and can't be found via search.
New photos:
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| Long story. Mom was trying to imitate a pose and got a little carried away in the restaurant. |
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| My hair after the trim Mom gave me. |
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| My "'We' Can Do It!" Garnet shirt. It's a feminist icon reference and an inside joke in one! |
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| Drawing on Ash's box with him! |
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| Mom named this young gentleman "Mr. Stripey." |
And the haircut comparison photos:
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Social Media counts:
YouTube subscribers: 5,327 for swankivy (lost 9), 615 for JulieSondra (1 new). Twitter followers: 863 for swankivy (lost 2), 1,322 for JulieSondra (1 new). Facebook: 293 friends (lost 1) and 205 followers (no change) for swankivy, 644 likes for JulieSondra (lost 1), 57 likes for Negative One (no change), 127 likes for So You Write (no change). Tumblr followers: 2,491 (no change). Instagram followers: 98 (3 new).
Wednesday, December 14, 2016
Wednesday Factoid: Earliest memory
Today's Wednesday Factoid is: What is your earliest memory?
I was in my parents' bed in the morning and there was some light streaming through the window. I was playing with a kaleidoscope and really enjoying the distorted images inside.
My dad was singing the song "Oh What a Beautiful Morning."
That's it!
I don't know how old I was or even what house we lived in, because I don't remember that room from any other early memories. I don't think I went in my parents' room often at whatever age it was, and I think it was unusual for me to be in the bed in the morning. I think it was just me and my mom and my dad.
I was in my parents' bed in the morning and there was some light streaming through the window. I was playing with a kaleidoscope and really enjoying the distorted images inside.
My dad was singing the song "Oh What a Beautiful Morning."
That's it!
I don't know how old I was or even what house we lived in, because I don't remember that room from any other early memories. I don't think I went in my parents' room often at whatever age it was, and I think it was unusual for me to be in the bed in the morning. I think it was just me and my mom and my dad.
Monday, December 12, 2016
Where's the line?
Last week I drew a fan comic for a cartoon and posted it on the Internet. It involved a character thinking about relationships other characters have, and to illustrate this, I drew some of them in poses that would be considered iconic for the fans of the show.
And then in one of the places I posted the comic, someone wrote "some of these look traced from screen shots."
I told the person my drawings were not traced, but were meant to invoke specific moments that should be familiar for fans. Nothing escalated from there or anything.
I'm not sure whether I feel like the comment was a compliment or an insult. Because, I mean, to get accused of tracing, it has to be a pretty good likeness, and that's nice to hear. But to be told your art is more likely to be cheating than a demonstration of your own abilities, well . . . that doesn't feel good. Especially because it echoes something that happened to me when I was a teenager that I don't really wanna talk about, where I used a reference to draw something and was really proud of it, but then someone who was very close to me scoffed at me for claiming I'd done it and said, "are you sure that's not [other artist's] drawing?" Feels good to be compared to a better artist; feels bad to be called dishonest (and to be told your abilities generally aren't good enough for your work to be believably yours).
Anyway, what I did was NOT tracing, and it was explicitly done the way I did it to make readers remember specific moments (which was why I reproduced the poses almost exactly), and there were also several drawings that weren't reproductions of anything (except, of course, the characters aren't mine). But how far from tracing do you have to go before something's yours? Where's the line?
Once upon a time, a young fellow who liked my blog reproduced a bunch of its content. As far as I could tell, he was literally cutting and pasting entire posts and in some cases replacing my opinions or answers with his own, but in many cases simply leaving the words I wrote in the order I wrote. He did occasionally reference me, but did not at any point leave a reference link saying he'd gotten the content or format from my blog. The format of my Saturday digest posts was lifted for his blog (with a couple sections he'd added or deleted to make it fit him), and sometimes he'd go back in my archives to find something to write about and basically say the same thing I'd said. I found some of it mildly flattering, but I also didn't appreciate having entire sections of my site lifted (sometimes with my commentary and personal content not trimmed out to make it his), so I commented on his blog asking him to please ease up on reproducing so much of my content. He did not reply and instead deleted the entirety of his blog. It was weird.
I didn't mind that he'd taken the format and even some of the ideas from me. I did mind that he was in some cases pasting my exact words and very slightly altered sentiments. I would have been okay with him wanting to do his own weekly updates including some of the same categories, of course, but the close reproduction of those and the more than occasional "writing his own article about the thing I wrote about with very little of his own new content" thing made it feel not only like he was ripping me off, but that he was limiting opportunities for himself. Though in that case, it's not like he was trying to take my content and sell it. I guess he just liked what I was doing enough to want to do it too, and didn't realize that it goes a little too far when you do what I do when I do it the way I do it.
Fanfiction, fan art, and fan creations in general are inspired works, and they are never entirely your own content (obviously). Where is the line? It can never completely be yours if it's using someone else's characters or premise, sure. But instead of thinking "how much of someone else's creation can you rip off/use/reprint before it infringes on them?" maybe try thinking "how much of my own creation am I adding?"
Are you redrawing an existing screen shot for art practice? That's probably fine (as long as you don't sell it as official art or through prohibited channels). Are you making your own version of a scene just for fun? Writing an interaction between two of your favorite characters from someone else's book just for fun? Covering a song just for fun? Learning a dance someone else made up just for fun? All of that is great. As long as you don't claim you made it up or that your reproduction is the original work of the source material's creators. You're probably adding something when you do these things--something that other fans of the original can enjoy partly because it's familiar and partly because your version is novel.
For the comic above that I drew, I used characters in a television show I like to express a sentiment that hasn't been expressed explicitly on the show as such (but doesn't contradict any message on the show, either). It's something I could have said myself, in text, without illustration and without using someone else's characters, but illustrations make some things "speak" more effectively, and they also build on understood character relationships to convey messages about real-life relationships. I didn't "trace" anything, but I put someone else's characters in a message I wanted to send. I think tracing would have been over the line if I didn't admit it was a trace, but I don't think reusing images is over any lines. Especially since (given the enthusiastic reception of the comic on Tumblr) this message was something others wanted to hear, too.
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| Everybody remembers this kiss |
I told the person my drawings were not traced, but were meant to invoke specific moments that should be familiar for fans. Nothing escalated from there or anything.
I'm not sure whether I feel like the comment was a compliment or an insult. Because, I mean, to get accused of tracing, it has to be a pretty good likeness, and that's nice to hear. But to be told your art is more likely to be cheating than a demonstration of your own abilities, well . . . that doesn't feel good. Especially because it echoes something that happened to me when I was a teenager that I don't really wanna talk about, where I used a reference to draw something and was really proud of it, but then someone who was very close to me scoffed at me for claiming I'd done it and said, "are you sure that's not [other artist's] drawing?" Feels good to be compared to a better artist; feels bad to be called dishonest (and to be told your abilities generally aren't good enough for your work to be believably yours).
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| The shot I used as a reference |
Once upon a time, a young fellow who liked my blog reproduced a bunch of its content. As far as I could tell, he was literally cutting and pasting entire posts and in some cases replacing my opinions or answers with his own, but in many cases simply leaving the words I wrote in the order I wrote. He did occasionally reference me, but did not at any point leave a reference link saying he'd gotten the content or format from my blog. The format of my Saturday digest posts was lifted for his blog (with a couple sections he'd added or deleted to make it fit him), and sometimes he'd go back in my archives to find something to write about and basically say the same thing I'd said. I found some of it mildly flattering, but I also didn't appreciate having entire sections of my site lifted (sometimes with my commentary and personal content not trimmed out to make it his), so I commented on his blog asking him to please ease up on reproducing so much of my content. He did not reply and instead deleted the entirety of his blog. It was weird.
I didn't mind that he'd taken the format and even some of the ideas from me. I did mind that he was in some cases pasting my exact words and very slightly altered sentiments. I would have been okay with him wanting to do his own weekly updates including some of the same categories, of course, but the close reproduction of those and the more than occasional "writing his own article about the thing I wrote about with very little of his own new content" thing made it feel not only like he was ripping me off, but that he was limiting opportunities for himself. Though in that case, it's not like he was trying to take my content and sell it. I guess he just liked what I was doing enough to want to do it too, and didn't realize that it goes a little too far when you do what I do when I do it the way I do it.
Fanfiction, fan art, and fan creations in general are inspired works, and they are never entirely your own content (obviously). Where is the line? It can never completely be yours if it's using someone else's characters or premise, sure. But instead of thinking "how much of someone else's creation can you rip off/use/reprint before it infringes on them?" maybe try thinking "how much of my own creation am I adding?"
Are you redrawing an existing screen shot for art practice? That's probably fine (as long as you don't sell it as official art or through prohibited channels). Are you making your own version of a scene just for fun? Writing an interaction between two of your favorite characters from someone else's book just for fun? Covering a song just for fun? Learning a dance someone else made up just for fun? All of that is great. As long as you don't claim you made it up or that your reproduction is the original work of the source material's creators. You're probably adding something when you do these things--something that other fans of the original can enjoy partly because it's familiar and partly because your version is novel.
For the comic above that I drew, I used characters in a television show I like to express a sentiment that hasn't been expressed explicitly on the show as such (but doesn't contradict any message on the show, either). It's something I could have said myself, in text, without illustration and without using someone else's characters, but illustrations make some things "speak" more effectively, and they also build on understood character relationships to convey messages about real-life relationships. I didn't "trace" anything, but I put someone else's characters in a message I wanted to send. I think tracing would have been over the line if I didn't admit it was a trace, but I don't think reusing images is over any lines. Especially since (given the enthusiastic reception of the comic on Tumblr) this message was something others wanted to hear, too.
Saturday, December 10, 2016
Personal Digest Saturday: December 3 – December 9
Life news this week:
New reviews of my book:
This week's performance was "Trouble Me" by 10,000 Maniacs.
New drawings:
Webcomic Negative One Issue 0604: "This Explains Her."
New videos:
My latest unlisted ukulele video is this cover of "Mad World." I'm afraid it's a sloppy hot mess though.
New photos:
Social Media counts:
YouTube subscribers: 5,336 for swankivy (lost 2), 614 for JulieSondra (2 new). Twitter followers: 865 for swankivy (4 new), 1,321 for JulieSondra (no change). Facebook: 294 friends (no change, but I added someone this week, so I know I lost someone too) and 205 followers (no change) for swankivy, 645 likes for JulieSondra (1 new), 57 likes for Negative One (no change), 127 likes for So You Write (no change). Tumblr followers: 2,491 (lost 1). Instagram followers: 95 (1 new).
- Saturday morning I posted the fan comic I made about SU characters on Tumblr, and it became my most popular post! (Even a person who works on the TV show hit "like" on it which was cool.) I spent the day at my mom's house eating pizza and cleaning. I cleaned my mom's bathroom and dusted the house and did a few other things for her. It was because she's having my sister's family stay with her in a couple weeks and just wanted help with a once-over. I spent the night at her house.
- Sunday I chilled with coffee and leftover breadsticks, and my mom and I did a few more chores before she took me home. I recorded some karaoke and ukulele stuff, and talked to my sister P on the phone while I did my own chores.
- Monday was work stuff and grocery shopping, and afterwards I met Jeaux at Moe's for burritos. We ended up hanging out for a while talking about cartoons. Then at home I finished up most of my holiday shopping.
- Tuesday I didn't go to work because I had a doctor's appointment. The only thing I did besides get an ultrasound was buying $60 worth of candy at the candy store, haha. I also did some video editing and packed some of my holiday presents for mailing.
- Wednesday I mailed presents, worked, and ate at Applebee's with Jeaux. We also shopped at Staples and watched a video about Steven Universe reactions, which was fun. Nothing really notable after that.
- Thursday was a usual work day, and after work I drew comics and didn't have my usual call with Victor but I talked to my dad and practiced ukulele.
- Friday was the holiday party at work. We had a small office lunch at Gino's where I got baked ziti, and after the party I finished some work stuff and some e-mail and then drew the rest of my comic in between chatting on Omegle. I made a new friend even. After posting the comic I talked to Mom on the phone and drank coffee in the middle of the night because I'm just not right.
New reviews of my book:
- Skylar gave it a five-star review on Amazon.
- Newp.
- Finished this week: The Free Lunch by Spider Robinson. Four-star review.
- Currently reading: Eyeshield 21: Volume 26 by Riichiro Inagaki and Yusuke Murata.
This week's performance was "Trouble Me" by 10,000 Maniacs.
New drawings:
Webcomic Negative One Issue 0604: "This Explains Her."
New videos:
My latest unlisted ukulele video is this cover of "Mad World." I'm afraid it's a sloppy hot mess though.
New photos:
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| The kind of ring you should get me if you want to propose |
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| My new Shorty Squad shirt!! |
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| I still have some Cookie Cats. |
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| You must eat the ears first; it's the rules. |
YouTube subscribers: 5,336 for swankivy (lost 2), 614 for JulieSondra (2 new). Twitter followers: 865 for swankivy (4 new), 1,321 for JulieSondra (no change). Facebook: 294 friends (no change, but I added someone this week, so I know I lost someone too) and 205 followers (no change) for swankivy, 645 likes for JulieSondra (1 new), 57 likes for Negative One (no change), 127 likes for So You Write (no change). Tumblr followers: 2,491 (lost 1). Instagram followers: 95 (1 new).
Wednesday, December 7, 2016
Wednesday Factoid: Close to Family
Today's Wednesday Factoid is: What events have brought you closer to your family?
I don't have a great answer to this because I think my "closeness" to everyone in my family has remained the same for most of my life except maybe my mom. So I'll just write about my mom.
For almost all of my twenties, I lived in a different city from my mom. I kept in regular contact with her through phone and e-mail, and she did come visit me here and there, with some of my visits in college and at holiday times allowing us to see each other. But to be honest, I ignored her a lot. I was living on my own in another city and I felt like it was somewhat liberating. I struggled a little for independence, and (hopefully this isn't gross or rude for me to talk about this publicly) I think it was really rough for my mom to let me become an adult. I was her first child and the first to do everything (until my sisters got married and one had a child), so every milestone that felt like an achievement for me was a little like losing me for my mom.
Immaturity and lack of communication are both to blame for me mostly behaving like I didn't care. There were a few incidents where I felt like Mom's attempts to reassure herself that she was relevant in my life were manifesting as attempts to control me, and I didn't like that because I wanted to make my own decisions. I didn't depend on my parents after graduating college--I never moved back in with them, and never asked them to support me financially--so I bucked at some of my mom's compromises. In my opinion, she did not have leverage to control what I wanted to do, and she seemed to be trying to enforce lifestyle choices where I wanted something else. It was a process for both of us to figure out how to be a mother and daughter where the daughter's relationship with the mother is not one of dependence or based on authority.
I moved back to Tampa, the same city where my mother lives, in 2006. At that point it had been a long time since she tried to change my mind or my approach to how I wanted to live my adulthood. I had not been taking into account what my mother needed personally. At age 28, I was back in regular contact with her, and I went through some ups and downs negotiating her needs. Living in another city wasn't preventing us from seeing each other anymore. It was primarily my busy schedule that was responsible for that. I was not particularly understanding toward the beginning. That changed somewhat gradually for a while, with me trying to make more time for my mom, but it changed in a big way when something happened to her back.
For a while after the event, she needed help every day, and I was there every day for . . . I don't remember how long, exactly, but it was weeks. I was thrilled when she finally got back to being able to drive, but though the situation has changed here and there and is managed somewhat with medication, my mom still needs surgery to correct the problem and there are several reasons why she can't/hasn't yet. The chronic condition has also pushed her toward more isolation, and the fact that neither of my sisters live in the same state anymore has pretty much led to my being the main (and often, only) person she interacts with regularly. Basically, I'm it.
A mixture of empathy, maturity, and responsibility has led to me realizing I need to be there for my mom, and it's not just because she doesn't reliably have others to do it. I enjoy being able to help her, being trusted, and also spending quality time with her when it has nothing to do with something one of us needs. Basically, her medical issues may have been the catalyst for me initially spending more time with her, but they're not entirely why I now know I need to spend more time with her. She's important to me in so many ways. Sometimes I think about the things I let her go through alone when I was in my twenties and I can't believe it, though I guess she also had more resources then. I guess I just can't believe my former self didn't step up. All I can think is that I didn't realize that she wanted or needed me to.
My mom and I still have very different personalities and interaction styles. She would like to have noise and interaction and unexpected visits from people in her life; I like quiet, solitude, and scheduled time with others. We have different interests. We have different philosophies on certain subjects. But my relationship with her now has been born of so many nuanced interactions and evolutions; it's complex and much more fulfilling than the me of my twenties would have believed possible. I guess I used to think you move out and move on, when in my case I moved out, moved on, and moved forward. Moving forward does not mean leaving behind, necessarily.
And I'm glad that it is how it is now.
I don't have a great answer to this because I think my "closeness" to everyone in my family has remained the same for most of my life except maybe my mom. So I'll just write about my mom.
For almost all of my twenties, I lived in a different city from my mom. I kept in regular contact with her through phone and e-mail, and she did come visit me here and there, with some of my visits in college and at holiday times allowing us to see each other. But to be honest, I ignored her a lot. I was living on my own in another city and I felt like it was somewhat liberating. I struggled a little for independence, and (hopefully this isn't gross or rude for me to talk about this publicly) I think it was really rough for my mom to let me become an adult. I was her first child and the first to do everything (until my sisters got married and one had a child), so every milestone that felt like an achievement for me was a little like losing me for my mom.
Immaturity and lack of communication are both to blame for me mostly behaving like I didn't care. There were a few incidents where I felt like Mom's attempts to reassure herself that she was relevant in my life were manifesting as attempts to control me, and I didn't like that because I wanted to make my own decisions. I didn't depend on my parents after graduating college--I never moved back in with them, and never asked them to support me financially--so I bucked at some of my mom's compromises. In my opinion, she did not have leverage to control what I wanted to do, and she seemed to be trying to enforce lifestyle choices where I wanted something else. It was a process for both of us to figure out how to be a mother and daughter where the daughter's relationship with the mother is not one of dependence or based on authority.
I moved back to Tampa, the same city where my mother lives, in 2006. At that point it had been a long time since she tried to change my mind or my approach to how I wanted to live my adulthood. I had not been taking into account what my mother needed personally. At age 28, I was back in regular contact with her, and I went through some ups and downs negotiating her needs. Living in another city wasn't preventing us from seeing each other anymore. It was primarily my busy schedule that was responsible for that. I was not particularly understanding toward the beginning. That changed somewhat gradually for a while, with me trying to make more time for my mom, but it changed in a big way when something happened to her back.
For a while after the event, she needed help every day, and I was there every day for . . . I don't remember how long, exactly, but it was weeks. I was thrilled when she finally got back to being able to drive, but though the situation has changed here and there and is managed somewhat with medication, my mom still needs surgery to correct the problem and there are several reasons why she can't/hasn't yet. The chronic condition has also pushed her toward more isolation, and the fact that neither of my sisters live in the same state anymore has pretty much led to my being the main (and often, only) person she interacts with regularly. Basically, I'm it.
A mixture of empathy, maturity, and responsibility has led to me realizing I need to be there for my mom, and it's not just because she doesn't reliably have others to do it. I enjoy being able to help her, being trusted, and also spending quality time with her when it has nothing to do with something one of us needs. Basically, her medical issues may have been the catalyst for me initially spending more time with her, but they're not entirely why I now know I need to spend more time with her. She's important to me in so many ways. Sometimes I think about the things I let her go through alone when I was in my twenties and I can't believe it, though I guess she also had more resources then. I guess I just can't believe my former self didn't step up. All I can think is that I didn't realize that she wanted or needed me to.
My mom and I still have very different personalities and interaction styles. She would like to have noise and interaction and unexpected visits from people in her life; I like quiet, solitude, and scheduled time with others. We have different interests. We have different philosophies on certain subjects. But my relationship with her now has been born of so many nuanced interactions and evolutions; it's complex and much more fulfilling than the me of my twenties would have believed possible. I guess I used to think you move out and move on, when in my case I moved out, moved on, and moved forward. Moving forward does not mean leaving behind, necessarily.
And I'm glad that it is how it is now.
Monday, December 5, 2016
Black Santa
REALLY?
Here is a news story about racists (predictably) getting pissed off about a black man playing Santa Claus.
I should first go on record saying I'm not surprised.
I'm just appalled, like I am just about every time I see people creating these situations. And what's gross is that among these racists are a ton of people who think they aren't racist by having a problem with this.
If you are upset about a man in a Santa costume being black, or you are upset that Santa is being portrayed as black, yes, that has its roots in racism. You don't have to hate black people or actively want them to suffer to have racist ideas, and one racist idea is that a fictional character can't be properly portrayed by someone who's not white.
It's not just about color or accuracy. Because I understand why people might be confused or might object to Santa being portrayed with traits they're not used to. Santa without a beard would probably be weird. Santa dressed in a green or purple outfit would probably be weird. But unlike clothing or facial hair, "being black" is a different thing from part of a costume. These people object because "black" is in violation of how they see Santa in a way that Santa being white with a deep tan would not be. Sure, the idea that he's a pale man with rosy cheeks from the north pole is pretty common, but people don't actually get this kind of upset when mall Santas have a tan. They get mad when he's black. It is not a question of aesthetics. And factual accuracy for an iconic fictional character is a funny idea to me. Santa Claus isn't a real person, so portraying him the way he "really is" doesn't apply. He's not a specific creation of a specific author who made him to look a certain way, and if your need for him to be white is strong enough to inspire outcry, I think you might need to examine why this is an issue for you.
Some may also try to sidestep accusations of racism by claiming Santa is based on a historical person and therefore should retain the physical qualities of that person. Well, Santa Claus as we know him today is more of an amalgam of various legends, but it's pretty indisputable that he's partially inspired by the real-life Saint Nicholas. Who, in some art of him, looks like this:
He also sometimes looks like this.
The man himself was from what is now Turkey. Like many historical figures involved in early Christianity, he was Middle Eastern. Many people from that area of the world would not be thought of as "white" by today's racists. Most of them are willing to imagine them as white for their own purposes, though--the same as they do with Jesus (who was, obviously, also Middle Eastern).
Considering how many cultures fed into the modern version of Santa, I think it's actually incredibly appropriate to diversify presentations of Santa in media and among actors who play him. And furthermore, the race of the person playing Santa Claus should not play into how you feel about his character. What he represents is what's important, and there is nothing inherently white about this character.
I've seen similar discussions when people of color are selected to portray historically white comic book characters. Some people throw a fit and insist that a character's whiteness is integral to their character and that changing the character's race somehow distorts it. They then, almost like clockwork, claim that historically black comic book characters should be changeable if white comic book characters are, but that "PC Culture™" would lead to outcry and protest. Well, there are some characters for whom being black is necessary for their character to make sense. It is usually much more relevant to who a character is if they are from an oppressed minority of some kind. However, it is a lot easier in fiction--just like it is in life--for "white" to be used like a default. As if it's invisible, while non-white races don't get that treatment in this society. If, in fact, a white character's whiteness is a placeholder for "everyman," then there isn't a reason that character can't be portrayed as something else. If a character's whiteness is historically a point of pride (i.e., the character is racist) or they have a specific cultural identity that is tied to whiteness, yeah, it's not a good idea to change it if it literally wouldn't make sense. In most cases, you can't find a non-racist or non-privilege-related reason why a white character can't be presented as a person of color. "What if I made that black character white?" is not an analogous situation to "What if I made that white character black?" That's what I think a lot of people don't realize.
There's nothing about Santa Claus that requires him to be white. Citing tradition is a bad choice here, because "it's always been that way" provides no argument for why it should always be that way. Sentimental notions of preferring what's familiar are valid, I will say that. But when you contrast the value of that with what you sacrifice in this situation, I feel like most reasonable and non-racist people would have to see that encouraging diversity should trump the need for familiar images. Especially--especially--because it's not like a black Santa existing prevents you from finding a white Santa if you prefer that. The existence of a black Santa option literally does not erase the white Santas. In fact, the white Santas overwhelmingly outnumber the non-white Santas in this country. But racists aren't even worried about what they find familiar, what they aesthetically prefer (without asking themselves why), or what constitutes "traditional" to them. They want their preferences to be given the power to take that choice away from others.
In other words, it's not even just that they prefer white Santa. It's that they don't want others to have access to seeing an incarnation of this character in a shade that matches themselves. They want their children and everyone else's children to have no choice in how they see Santa. They want Santa to just be one thing, and they want that thing to be a white guy.
When it doesn't matter what race a character is, it really shouldn't matter what race a character is. As in, if you're one of those people who claims they "don't see color" (not true, and essentially racist) or thinks race doesn't really matter, or thinks reports of inequality and oppression are greatly exaggerated on the part of people of color, then there should be no value judgment against a black portrayal of a historically white character, and there should be no outcry against it. Especially when it comes to what Santa represents as a symbol of the Christmas holiday and a spirit of giving. It should come in every color. And if that's a statement you can agree with, you can't just agree with it in theory but still foam at the mouth when you see an example of it in practice. If you need Santa to not be black, reevaluate whether you hold racist prejudices. (And keep in mind you do not have to be white to hold racist beliefs.)
This morning I had to send a holiday party bulletin to my co-workers and I punctuated it with this image:
Black Santa was the first that popped up when I searched for a cute Santa emoji to insert. I hope nobody thought "why would she choose black Santa?" because my first thought is "why wouldn't I?"
Until we stop assuming every choice that includes a non-white option is politically motivated and representative of "PC Culture," we don't have the choice as a society to claim we're post-racist. If every deviation from white is a specific choice assumed to carry ~liberal~ values while every representation of white is just standard, default, how-it-should-be, we have not moved away from racist assumptions at all.
When someone asks "why not?" and you have to phrase your answer very carefully to avoid sounding racist, you have some work to do.
Here is a news story about racists (predictably) getting pissed off about a black man playing Santa Claus.
I should first go on record saying I'm not surprised.
I'm just appalled, like I am just about every time I see people creating these situations. And what's gross is that among these racists are a ton of people who think they aren't racist by having a problem with this.
If you are upset about a man in a Santa costume being black, or you are upset that Santa is being portrayed as black, yes, that has its roots in racism. You don't have to hate black people or actively want them to suffer to have racist ideas, and one racist idea is that a fictional character can't be properly portrayed by someone who's not white.
It's not just about color or accuracy. Because I understand why people might be confused or might object to Santa being portrayed with traits they're not used to. Santa without a beard would probably be weird. Santa dressed in a green or purple outfit would probably be weird. But unlike clothing or facial hair, "being black" is a different thing from part of a costume. These people object because "black" is in violation of how they see Santa in a way that Santa being white with a deep tan would not be. Sure, the idea that he's a pale man with rosy cheeks from the north pole is pretty common, but people don't actually get this kind of upset when mall Santas have a tan. They get mad when he's black. It is not a question of aesthetics. And factual accuracy for an iconic fictional character is a funny idea to me. Santa Claus isn't a real person, so portraying him the way he "really is" doesn't apply. He's not a specific creation of a specific author who made him to look a certain way, and if your need for him to be white is strong enough to inspire outcry, I think you might need to examine why this is an issue for you.
Some may also try to sidestep accusations of racism by claiming Santa is based on a historical person and therefore should retain the physical qualities of that person. Well, Santa Claus as we know him today is more of an amalgam of various legends, but it's pretty indisputable that he's partially inspired by the real-life Saint Nicholas. Who, in some art of him, looks like this:
He also sometimes looks like this.
The man himself was from what is now Turkey. Like many historical figures involved in early Christianity, he was Middle Eastern. Many people from that area of the world would not be thought of as "white" by today's racists. Most of them are willing to imagine them as white for their own purposes, though--the same as they do with Jesus (who was, obviously, also Middle Eastern).
Considering how many cultures fed into the modern version of Santa, I think it's actually incredibly appropriate to diversify presentations of Santa in media and among actors who play him. And furthermore, the race of the person playing Santa Claus should not play into how you feel about his character. What he represents is what's important, and there is nothing inherently white about this character.
I've seen similar discussions when people of color are selected to portray historically white comic book characters. Some people throw a fit and insist that a character's whiteness is integral to their character and that changing the character's race somehow distorts it. They then, almost like clockwork, claim that historically black comic book characters should be changeable if white comic book characters are, but that "PC Culture™" would lead to outcry and protest. Well, there are some characters for whom being black is necessary for their character to make sense. It is usually much more relevant to who a character is if they are from an oppressed minority of some kind. However, it is a lot easier in fiction--just like it is in life--for "white" to be used like a default. As if it's invisible, while non-white races don't get that treatment in this society. If, in fact, a white character's whiteness is a placeholder for "everyman," then there isn't a reason that character can't be portrayed as something else. If a character's whiteness is historically a point of pride (i.e., the character is racist) or they have a specific cultural identity that is tied to whiteness, yeah, it's not a good idea to change it if it literally wouldn't make sense. In most cases, you can't find a non-racist or non-privilege-related reason why a white character can't be presented as a person of color. "What if I made that black character white?" is not an analogous situation to "What if I made that white character black?" That's what I think a lot of people don't realize.
There's nothing about Santa Claus that requires him to be white. Citing tradition is a bad choice here, because "it's always been that way" provides no argument for why it should always be that way. Sentimental notions of preferring what's familiar are valid, I will say that. But when you contrast the value of that with what you sacrifice in this situation, I feel like most reasonable and non-racist people would have to see that encouraging diversity should trump the need for familiar images. Especially--especially--because it's not like a black Santa existing prevents you from finding a white Santa if you prefer that. The existence of a black Santa option literally does not erase the white Santas. In fact, the white Santas overwhelmingly outnumber the non-white Santas in this country. But racists aren't even worried about what they find familiar, what they aesthetically prefer (without asking themselves why), or what constitutes "traditional" to them. They want their preferences to be given the power to take that choice away from others.
In other words, it's not even just that they prefer white Santa. It's that they don't want others to have access to seeing an incarnation of this character in a shade that matches themselves. They want their children and everyone else's children to have no choice in how they see Santa. They want Santa to just be one thing, and they want that thing to be a white guy.
When it doesn't matter what race a character is, it really shouldn't matter what race a character is. As in, if you're one of those people who claims they "don't see color" (not true, and essentially racist) or thinks race doesn't really matter, or thinks reports of inequality and oppression are greatly exaggerated on the part of people of color, then there should be no value judgment against a black portrayal of a historically white character, and there should be no outcry against it. Especially when it comes to what Santa represents as a symbol of the Christmas holiday and a spirit of giving. It should come in every color. And if that's a statement you can agree with, you can't just agree with it in theory but still foam at the mouth when you see an example of it in practice. If you need Santa to not be black, reevaluate whether you hold racist prejudices. (And keep in mind you do not have to be white to hold racist beliefs.)
This morning I had to send a holiday party bulletin to my co-workers and I punctuated it with this image:
Black Santa was the first that popped up when I searched for a cute Santa emoji to insert. I hope nobody thought "why would she choose black Santa?" because my first thought is "why wouldn't I?"
Until we stop assuming every choice that includes a non-white option is politically motivated and representative of "PC Culture," we don't have the choice as a society to claim we're post-racist. If every deviation from white is a specific choice assumed to carry ~liberal~ values while every representation of white is just standard, default, how-it-should-be, we have not moved away from racist assumptions at all.
When someone asks "why not?" and you have to phrase your answer very carefully to avoid sounding racist, you have some work to do.
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