Monday, February 3, 2014

30-Week Blog Challenge Week 22: Current Relationship

I'm back with the Monday blog challenge! The lady in charge is Marie at Mom Gets Real. The questions are right here:


And Week 22's prompt is . . .


. . . Well, that's a let-down.

I haven't dated anyone since 1996. I'm not exactly in a current relationship, nor do I plan to be. Kinda irritated that this is a question I can't address. At least with the "who's your celebrity crush?" question I could stretch the meaning of "crush." With this I can't really say much because generalizing to the kinds of relationships this question did NOT mean to address would lead to all kinds of rambling about friendship.

Um, so my current relationship is "none." I'm single, but not looking. I'm aromantic. I don't feel romantic attraction to anyone. I don't want a partner. I don't want a significant other.

People seem to think that means I'm lonely--like it's just obvious!--but to tell you the truth I wish I had more time alone than I do. My current relationship is with myself, I guess, and with my creative projects--and just like a relationship with a person, my partnership with those projects does not yield satisfactory results if I don't put time into them. Respect, and space, and care.

And it's not the same as "not minding" being single. I want to be single. I actively continue to be. It's not like "unless someone comes along," though obviously if someone did come along who made me want to be their partner then I would adjust my goals to match that desire. It's not a matter of just kinda being okay with it but hoping one day I'll find the one. I want to continue being without a relationship. I specifically intend and hope to be single my entire life.

And no, I do not have cats. But if I did, I still wouldn't be a Cat Lady™. People use "Cat Lady" to shame people--mostly women--for being single and mock them for being undesirable, and they suggest women who are unmarried collect cats as a way to assuage their loneliness. I am not lonely. It's weird how often I have to specify this when I talk about being unpartnered. I love solitude and don't want to spend my life partnered. It's just the way I am.

As I said once in the documentary I was in, some people prefer to sing solos, and others prefer to sing in duets. Some will insist on the necessity of harmony for "real" music, but I think there is a place for soloists.

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